A lot of times, I always hear some girls complain that their boyfriends have some shortcomings that really make them unbearable.Some say that their boyfriend has never been sloppy, and is simply a technical nerd. Some people say that their boyfriend doesn’t understand amorous feelings at all, and is completely a straight male.Others say that their boyfriend neither understands romance, but also lives a decadent life, and is properly a greasy man.They have tried many methods, but the boys are still unmoved, and there is no substantial change in action. What do they have to do so that boys can be obedient and make changes for them?
In fact, it is not that difficult to want a boy to be willing to make changes for you. Just like meeting a cat with a stubborn personality, as long as you find its cool point correctly, it will obediently let you stroke it.If you want a boy to change for you willingly, you must first understand the following points:
When we train the dog, As the dog makes a corresponding action according to your instructions, we usually reward it, so that the dog will form a conditioned reflex in the long run and be more willing to make the action.
Humans are actually the same as animals. Once he does something, he will be rewarded, so he will definitely be happy to repeat this action, which is learned behavior through reinforcement.
So when a boy does the behavior you want him to do, even if it’s just an occasional one or two, you should know how to encourage and praise him in time.
For example, he has always been a steely straight male who doesn’t understand the style, and even takes the initiative to call you and rarely speaks. But one night he suddenly took the initiative to call you.
Then at this time, you must not be very surprised and complain that he has not taken the initiative to call you before.
Instead, you should say to him: I feel so happy every time I hear your voice, and I love the feeling of hearing you say goodnight to me in person before going to bed.
In this way, boys will be more willing to speak or call you more often.
02 bottom line
If you want a guy to make a change, you have to let him know where your bottom line is.
If no matter what he looks like or what he does, you look like you can bear it completely, then he will have no psychological pressure at all and no motivation to change at all.
But, on the contrary, if you can let him know where your bottom line is, then he knows he needs to perform better or risk losing you.
03 express needs
Sometimes, it’s not that the guy is unwilling to make changes for you, it’s that you never express your needs to him.
It’s like a paragraph on TikTok :
Girl: You don’t understand me at all
Boy: How can I understand you if you don’t tell me
Girl: The real understanding does not need to be said
Boy: I don’t understand what you said
Girl: What’s the point of saying it, I don’t say it, you should understand
Boy: I’m not you, how can I know your feelings completely
Girl: I don’t care
Although this is just a joke, it is indeed a state that often occurs when men and women get along.
Girls are shy about expressing their thoughts and expect boys to understand in seconds. But most straight men say that it is really difficult for them to do this. They can’t do it at all.
So sometimes, such a state can cause a lot of misunderstandings. It’s not that the guy doesn’t want to make changes for you, it’s that he doesn’t know what changes he needs to make.
So it’s important to communicate with a guy and let him know what changes you want him to make.
04 good attitude
As we mentioned earlier, if you want boys to make changes for you, communication is actually very important. So how to communicate, will achieve a good effect? The answer is: good attitude.
When you express your needs and hope that boys make changes, you must not criticize and blame like parents educate their children. This will not only fail to achieve the purpose, but sometimes even have the opposite effect.
In addition, when communicating, you should avoid these two sensitive words as much as possible: always and never.
For example, when some girls quarrel with boys, they will say: You are always like this, every time you talk is not counted… You will never change, you have never done anything for me… ··
You know, the emotions expressed by these two words are very extreme. This is a violent way of communication that will only fill your relationship with accusations, complaints and blows.
05 lead by example
Many times, we want others to make changes. First of all, you must take the initiative to make changes, so that you can lead and infect the people around you.
For example, you complain about boys, a decadent life, a greasy body, and an unhealthy lifestyle. Instead of urging him to get rid of these bad habits in his ear every day, it is better to be yourself first.
Go out and participate in meaningful social activities, go to the gym regularly every day, and refuse those unhealthy junk food.
In this way, in the long run, when he sees your change, he will definitely be inspired by you and take the initiative to try to make changes.
In short, if you want a boy to communicate with you more, you should first communicate with him proactively. If you want a boy to care more about you, then you should try to care more about him first, and use your actions to drive it. He, of course, would be more willing to make changes.
06 No one is perfect
Although, above we talked about a lot of techniques to make guys willing to make changes for you. But we must be clear that no one is perfect, and no one is perfect.
Maybe this boy has one or another shortcomings, but unless it is some serious or principled issues, we can all be as tolerant as possible.
True love is not only loving the other person’s strengths, but even small shortcomings can become the reason for you to love him.
As long as you’re sure he’s a reliable man and the right person you really want to be with, try to accept some of his small shortcomings as well.
Two people in love are like turning two gears of friction, and finding the best state of getting along between you will make love more beautiful.