Let’s first take a look at the definition of the word “comfortable” in Google: comfortable, refers to the satisfaction of body and mind; the natural state of life and psychological needs, the feeling of being satisfied in the future.
So in other words, if you want to make both people comfortable in a relationship, you need to meet the needs of both people at the same time.
Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs Theory divides human needs into five levels;
the need for respect;
The need for belonging and love;
Although this is proposed for the overall needs of human beings, I think it is also applicable to the needs of love.
So if you want both people to be comfortable in love, first of all:
To meet the physiological needs of two people
The physical needs in love can be divided into two points, one is the need for material conditions.
Men are only in the mood to please women when they are energetic and happy.
In the same way, if you eat the last meal but don’t have the next meal, you are worrying about making a living every day, just finished the housework and you are paid by the money, borrowing all kinds of urgings to repay, will you still be in the mood to please your boyfriend at night?
Therefore, a comfortable love must be realized when the material economy is stable and at least the minimum temperature and saturation are met.
This is why we often say that poor and humble couples mourn for everything.
The second is the need for sex
Sex is the expression of love, the behavior of couples or couples’ physical desires and psychological satisfaction. Both parties get sexual satisfaction and get the other party’s sexual pleasure is actually more conducive to the warming and connection of the relationship.
Of course, there are also many people who hold the concept of not having sex before marriage, but the premise is that the concept of two people is the same. If the concept of two people is “not having sex before marriage”, then not having sex is essentially the same. Satisfaction of this “sexual requirement”.
Meet the safety needs of two people
The need for security in love refers more to the need for “emotional stability” in the relationship.
Each other knows how to keep themselves safe, correct their mentality, not be suspicious, learn to trust, be confident, and not put too much energy on each other, thus losing themselves.
Open up the relationship between the two, bring each other to see their parents and friends, consciously keep a distance from the opposite sex around you, and know how to reject other opposite sex offers.
Know how to care for the other party’s subtleties, know how to use “jealousy” to affirm the other party’s position in their hearts, and know how to praise and recognize the other party in a timely manner.
Satisfy the need for love and belonging between two people
Love comes from mutual attraction and mutual recognition. Of course, in order to gain the other’s approval, we also need our self-approval.
The other party likes a book and you also like it. She likes a singer and you also like to hum his songs. Slowly, you find that you have more and more friends. I like it and you like it too.
When boys can patiently accompany girls to watch Korean dramas that girls like, and girls cheer for boys on the court, I don’t hate you if you like it, and I cheer for you if you like it. This is the best way to get along.
Also, in addition to this sense of identification, we also need a sense of belonging: you belong to him, and he is sure he will not leave.
When your boyfriend is so busy at work that he has no time to care for you, girls know that he is working hard for your future, not just complaining.
Boys also have more relationships and more greetings, give a hug to a girl when she is considerate to herself, “reward” each other during festivals, and arrange a warm and ceremonial date. When the other party encounters setbacks and blows, stand silently behind the other party and tell him that he still has you.
The three views of each other are always consistent, and they agree with each other. This way of getting along with each other will naturally have much less friction and will naturally be more comfortable.
meet the need for mutual respect
Mutual respect between lovers is the foundation of intimacy.
Everyone has different personalities, different preferences, and everyone’s family environment and growth background are also different. There are no two identical leaves in the world. So even two people who love each other will have different opinions.
For example, if you like spicy food, but he can’t eat it, then you won’t force him to accommodate you, and he won’t ask you to accommodate him, but choose to order a mandarin duck pot.
Respect each other’s choices while preserving yourself.
Everyone is born different, we don’t have to understand each other, we just need to respect each other.
Long-term love is a subtle influence on the other party, rather than forcing the other party to live in their own way.
Enjoy more in the intersecting way of life, try new things together, and respect each other in things that cannot be understood. They are both closely connected and in some ways independent.
For example, two people have the habit of exercising. During the holidays, they can exercise together to increase interaction; they can also cook food, play ball, and try new projects together. In life, there is a difference between one person who likes to go to bed early and the other person who likes to stay up late. There is no need for anyone to convince anyone, just respect each other.
Understand that this lover is not made for you, but to make each other happier.
The most comfortable way to get along in love is probably to kiss each other and be independent from each other.
The most comfortable way to get along in love is to rely on each other, but be independent of each other.
We can let go of our guard and learn to rely on it when the conditions are right. For example, after working overtime, we call and tell our boyfriend: Come pick me up from get off work today, and buy me an egg tart and french fries.
You can also express your true thoughts and needs to your partner without being afraid of the other party’s trouble or being too troublesome, even exposing your vulnerability and unbearableness.
But they are also able to be independent of each other, not just focusing all their energy on love. You have your own family, friends, career, goals and careers that you must work for. Don’t lose yourself and focus on the other side.